"Hi! My name is Larry The Cable Guy! To make a long story long, I was born in the back of an El-Camino during a Foghat concert many years ago! My mother was normal mother just like anybodys. She cooked, cleaned, kissed us goodnight, and was an Elvis impersonator on weekends! She actually looked more like the girl that played "Ralph The Carpenter" on Green Acres than Elvis, but she loved Elvis and actually sounded a little like him when she sang 'Teddy Bear.'

She never won a contest, however, one time no one else showed up and she took 3rd. My father saw action in World War II, Korea, Vietnam, the Falklands, and a Wal-Mart in Jackson, Mississippi! He lost a leg in a car accident in 1986. He rolled over three times and wound up in a ditch, and that was just walking to the car! He's been sober ever since, and since he only has one leg, he's been working at a brewery making hops!

I grew up in a good Christian home, I love freedom, the United States of America, Miss September and making boobs out of Playdough! I do political social commentaries on radio stations throughout America! I started on a station in Tampa Bay and have been adding more stations every year! People ask me two questions. Number one, why are you called "The Cable Guy" and number two, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie roll center? Number one, I'm called Larry The Cable Guy cause my name's Larry and I used to install cable. Number two, forty five, unless you're Rosie O'Donnell, then you just eat the stick all in one crunch.

I ran for president in '92, '96, and am currently running again. I also ran for state senate in Florida, but ran outa money at a strip club in Daytona Beach! I'm the only candidate that tells it like it is! I feel that if you don't address the problems with true talk, then nothing will ever get solved. Nowadays, the candidates talk the talk, but when it comes to walkin' the walk, they trip and stumble like Ray Charles in a pumpkin patch!

I don't believe in solving problems by throwin' money at them. I think political correct people are not solving problems, but part of the problem and creating more! I believe I just pooped my pants! I believe in less government and more state control! I believe people should take personal responsibility. I believe all the telletubbies is queer, not just the purple one!

I believe in the right to bear arms! Not only against scumbag criminals, but also against a tyrannical government! I believe my speling sucks! I believe Mary-Ann was a better piece of ass than Ginger! I believe that we are gradually losing personal freedoms and that if this trend continues, we will be living in a world of corporate socialism! I believe in a strong military, the Dukes Of Hazzards, and that chicken-fried steak and gravy taste better than a cheerleader on game day! (I apologize) I believe the media stirs the fires of racism for ratings, and that they have sold their soul and this country out for their own gain! I believe Jesse Jackson, Janet Reno, Ted Turner, and the New Hollywood squares are all spawned from the devil himself! I believe in free speech, especially 900 numbers!

My fellow Americans, remember, the more we become dependent on government as mommy and daddy, the more government has you under their authority just like mommy and daddy! I believe in America, and I believe in the people that live in it.

That's my story and my beliefs. I'm not racist, I'm not hateful, and I'm not homophobic! I'm just a concerned commentator wondering what happened to the free America that my forefathers fought and died for! Git-R-Done and GOD BLESS MY FANS AND THIS COUNTRY!!"  – Larry the Cable Guy

~~~

With his cry of "Git-Er-Done!" and "What the hell is this, Russia?" Larry the Cable Guy begins his daily radio commentaries in cities around the U.S.  You might not think a cable installer could be hilariously funny – until you see "Larry the Cable Guy," the church-going, strip bar-going, redneck know-it-all comedian on comedy club stages, theatres and arenas across the land.

Born and raised on a pig farm in Pawnee City, Nebraska, his family then moved to West Palm Beach, Florida. Like many comics, he began his career on a dare at a local comedy club, in 1986.  He was immediately hooked. In 1988, he quit his day job as the funniest bellhop at The Ramada and hit the road. It wasn't long before he was wowing comedy club crowds with his high energy one liner style of stand up. He soon made appearances on "Evening at The Improv," "Comic Strip Live," Comedy Central, MTV and Showtime.

Larry the Cable Guy burst onto the radio scene in 1992 as a character on a highly rated Tampa morning show and was subsequently syndicated into Orlando. More stations followed and today his wacky, outrageous and topical commentaries are carried daily in 35 markets on rock radio. He is also a staple of Jeff Foxworthy's Country Countdown Show on an additional 150 stations.

It seems this cable installer has truly made a connection with lots of folks. Larry the Cable Guy has become one of the top comedy club draws in the country. In July 2000, Larry was invited to join the highly successful Blue Collar Comedy Tour starring Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engvall – and now with Ron White.

Although, there's no question that Larry is opinionated, he is very likable and has repeatedly demonstrated that he has very wide appeal. His commentaries are as fresh as today's headlines and as skewed as a "possum tail."

Larry the Cable Guy may be available for your next special event!

For booking information, click HERE!